Saved?

Saved?

I was 20 years old when I got “saved.” I am now 70 years old. I put “saved” in quotes because I was raised in the church, was a pious child, and made a public profession of faith when I was ten. So when exactly was I saved? As a toddler at my mother’s knee? At age ten? Twenty? Or when I was baptized a second time at age 50?

Most Evangelicals would say at age 20, when I made the adult decision to follow Jesus. I described that event in a previous blog. The short version of that is: A fellow college student asked me who I thought Jesus Christ is. I gave an answer straight out of the catechism. The man who was with her then asked me if my knowledge made a difference in my life, and when I responded in the negative, asked if I wanted it to. I did.

Why did I respond as I did to that question? Several reasons. I suppose the most important was that the Holy Spirit was working on me. Another was that the previous year, due to emotional turmoil, I had nearly flunked out of college. After revealing a long held dark secret to a counselor and a little bit (very little bit) follow-up counseling, I was on a much more even keel, but I was also rather empty inside. So having a foundation I could rely on was appealing. And third, truth. See, while I may have walked away from church and may even have played with calling myself an atheist, I never really stopped believing the foundational reality of Jehovah God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

My thoughts , as well as I can articulate them, ran like this: if what I said about the identity of Jesus as the Son of God, fully human and fully divine, whether I believe it or not, is true, then to deny the truth is to deny reality. And truth matters. You have to understand that in 1973 on a state university campus, that except for the math and sciences departments, the underlying philosophy being taught was that truth is relative. I did not accept that philosophy. See, even the most liberal of professors (my sociology professor comes immediately to mind) propounding the most blatant assertion of the shifting nature of truth, still would flunk a student for plagiarizing a paper or cheating on her test. Whether she said so or not, in practice she still held to certain absolute principles, as did they all.

So truth was important to me and if the gospel was true, then I ignored it at my peril. So how has that played out for me in the intervening half century? In the early years after my “conversion,” I attended a number of different churches: Roman Catholic, Lutheran, a house church, Baptist, Assembly of God, Christian Reformed, Evangelical Free, Methodist, and an independent Bible church. Plus, I attended every InterVarsity Christian Fellowship convention I could afford and read dozens of books on theology. Some of those church experiences were good; some bad (one, very bad); some confusing.

See, I knew what I had been taught in twelve years of parochial school education, but I was finding contradictions between what I was reading in the Bible and what I had learned in school. I also found contradictions between what was being preached in some of the churches I attended and what I was reading in the Bible. I wanted to know what I believed and why I believed it. (Two books from that era, Paul Little’s “Know What You Believe,” and “Know Why You Believe” were helpful) So eventually I came to a certain synthesis. I recognized three levels of doctrine and practice. The first, or core, was the truth a person must believe to be a Christian. One can find those encapsulated in the Athanasian, Nicene, and Apostle’s Creeds. Deny any of those points, i.e., the absolute sovereignty of God as Creator, the divine and human natures of Jesus Christ, the virgin birth, Jesus’ perfect life, atoning death, resurrection, return, and the existence and power of the Holy Spirit, and one is not a Christian.

The secondary level of doctrine and practice are those beliefs I did not consider absolutely necessary to salvation, although proponents of each may believe so. Things such as infant baptism vs. believers baptism; or transsubtantiaton vs, consubstantiation vs. Communion as a commemoration. Church fellowship for those who hold differing positions on such topics would be difficult, to say the least.

On a tertiary level were things that had no bearing whatsoever on a person’s salvation but merely contributed to the comfort of worshiping within a group. Things such as instrumental music vs. choral music only; contemporary songs and choruses vs. hymns; chairs vs. pews, wine vs. grape juice, the color of the carpet, etc.

Of the various churches I attended seeking a spiritual home, I found that all held to those core doctrines but differed wildly on the secondary and tertiary levels. While still living at home, I finally settled into an Evangelical Free church. Moving to a different city, I found a Methodist church and other Methodist churches on my second and third moves. Conflicts on the tertiary (and personal) levels found me settling into my current church, an independent, Charismatic Evangelical church for the past 29 years.

So that’s where I am today…still a square peg in a round hole. The core doctrines are rock solid. I waffle a bit on the secondary and tertiary levels, but not to the point of finding fellowship impossible. But here’s where I get uncomfortable. Remember how when I wrote, about 800 words ago, that the third reason I gave for surrendering to Christ was that truth mattered? I am not in any way saying my current church denies or denigrates the truth of the gospel. Indeed not! What I am addressing is the analysis I applied to making my decision. It was almost purely intellectual. If the gospel is true, then I must believe it and obey it. Period. Full stop. And that has been my approach to my faith for half a century.

No. I am not a cessationist. I believe God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. If the Holy Spirit directed the gospel and epistle writers to enumerate certain gifts, fruits, blessings, and offices, those things, all of them, are just as valid today as they were when first written. It’s just that I am spiritually tone deaf. I used to joke with my former pastor that I was our church’s token non-Charismatic. He got it. No one else does. So, no. I don’t speak in tongues. I don’t “hear” from God. (The one possible exception may be what happened when I was four years old, but I’m not certain even about that) I don’t have visions. I don’t “feel” the presence of the Holy Spirit. I second guess everything.

In other words, my faith is not based on my experiences. And that’s where the trouble begins. The internet. What an incredibly valuable means of spreading the good news of Jesus Christ! On Facebook and YouTube and other social media platforms, the gospel is being preached daily around the entire world. What a blessing! But there are other messages as well. Certain preachers say “you ought to be experiencing this,” or “you ought to be doing that,” with the sometimes stated and sometimes unstated implication that if one is not, one might not be saved. Heard often enough, even someone who has followed Jesus for a half century, can begin to doubt. Andrew Peterson put it so well in his song, “The Silence of God.” (also covered by Michael Card). “It can make a man crazy…”

So for those, who may be like me, who have lived long with the silence of God, I have a message of hope. My former pastor once said to me, “I have to wonder if God has a special blessing in heaven for those who simply believe Him at His word but don’t have tangible experiences to lean on for proof?” The hope I have to offer comes from the mouth of Jesus Himself, “If you believe in your heart and proclaim with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, you shall be saved.”  It’s just that simple.